crying

When was the last time i been crying.?probably 2+ years ago... I havent got a clue why I cried today.. just wanted to mark the date down to keep that in mind... So that I can refresh myself couple years later....why cry?no idea...When cry? while watching a hk movie...and cry for how long? 5 minutes? 10minutes maybe....anyway..maybe is a way to de-stress....ya true, I am a sensitive guy..so what ?guy cant be sensitive?just gals that are allowed to be sensitive?cut that crap....yes I am a man and im sensitive...so what ?I am not gay ...so stop saying that ..!!fk u all ...

Anyway....What a good day ....the crying day !!7/11/10

missing something ...

where is my motivation these days? the bloody mood keep going up and down ..floating like a boat ....that faces sudden waves ....I hate this feeling ....I hate it...what am i suppose to do to get rid of that?I think I need to find another new motivation in life ...Keep losing this and that .....harloooo...Benny boy ..where have u been lately ?u seems abit lost in the air ...floating like a boat ....doing things that u urself don really know and will do normally ...saying things that not suppose to say and missing things that u r not suppose to miss ...Gosh ...!!once is enuff and twice is abit more than enuff ...dont lost urself again ...u r not suppose to ...!!!

Finding the REAL me..

Sometimes when u r stressout..then you might just wondering where n what you are atcually doing on a daily basis...I think im losing myself out totally ....Cant find the real me ...Maybe I need sometimes to take a break and relax myself ....like physically and mentally ....cool down my mind ...not to stress myself out too much at work ...and also take a break if possible...sometimes just wondering why everytime when I lost something..I just went uncontrol in everything..Life...relationship ..money ...friendship and etc...Does that really the real me...people just seeing the surface and start judging me about my interior ...I hate the fact that why I behave like this and makes people thought of that.. Why cant I just be myself and forget about the others...Missing someone in your mind all the time will also make you stress-out too much ....Alcohol is a 'poison' in your life..drinking can really makes you forget things but what you need to suffer after is even worst....I hate hang-over feeling ...I hate being judged by the others for no reasons....excuses need to be avoided and I think what I really need to do is start to focus on my life again ...my life is a mess for what I see now even though I enjoy myself really much ..But I am losing myself too ...

Finding yourself and notify who you are is not the easiest thing in life...But thats the greatest test that you need to go through in life...meaning that I need to get back on my trackmill and start running hard and pushing hard for life again ..Not slacking back like what I am now ....

Joke of the day that I got from an Old man at work ..

Alcohol contains lots of woman hormon..

The more you drink ..the more bull shits from yourself..

and the more you drink ...the more careless you are while driving..

Might takes someone a while to understand that ...no discrimination against woman...ITs just a joke of the day from MAN ..and I presume that there might be more jokes about Man from woman anyway ..

Ben ..you need to find yourself and the world is your oyster....!!

ｈａｐｐｙ Ｂｉｒｔｈｄａｙ

ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｅｖｉｌ　ｓｉｓｔｅｒ．　．．ｈａｐｐｙ　ｂｉｒｔｈｄａｙ　ｔｏ　ｕ　．．．ｗｉｓｈ　ｕ　ｐｒｅｔｔｙ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｌａ　．．．ｓｔｏｐ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｓｏ　ｓｔｕｐｉｄ　ｌａ　．．ｎ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｓｏ　ｅｖｉｌ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ　．．．．ｎ　ｈｏｒ　．．ｗｈｅｎ　ｕ　ｇｅｔ　ｍａｒｒｉｅｄ　ｈｏｒ　．．．．ｍａｋｅ　ｓｕｒｅ　ｕ　ｌｅｔ　ｍｅ　ｂｅ　ｕｒ　ｗｅｄｄｉｎｇ　ｃｒａｓｈｉｅｒ　ｈａｒ　．．ｏｋｉｅ　？？ｄｅａｌ　．．．．

ｈａｈａｈａ　．．．．．．．．ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｕ　ｍｙ　ｄｅａｒ　ｓｉｓｔｅｒ　．．ｔａｋｅ　ｃａｒｅ　！！

以前

很多人都说：“人应该往前看，不应该往后看！”过去的就让它过去，我很认同这一点。可是，我要往后看得记忆，是在我高中时期的时候。而不是最近这五年的记忆。还记得我第一天到达槟城大山脚这个无聊且寂寞的城市时，我当下的心情就像被雪藏的冰块一样。对这个冷冷的城市有着冷冷且冰冰的感觉。总觉得在这个不属于我的城市根本就找不到我想要得温暖，热情！
刚在寄宿学校的前几个月，每天晚上总要和妈妈投诉和解闷，每回都要吵着妈妈要回家。回到那温暖的家里，过着像少爷一样的生活。总感觉在学校里的生活很不适合我这个少爷的性格。如何要我在这个充满马来人同胞的学校里过活。全校里只有不到五名ｂｕｍｉｐｕｔｅｒａ，而我也是少数的华人之一。刚开始，连马来文也说不上几句的我，到后来离校时，居然能说的比马来同胞说的马来话还要好。连我的马来朋友也觉得不可释义。在寄宿学校里的回忆，真的是我一备子难忘。以前常想，我要快快的挨完这艰辛的两年，然后重获自由，而且还经常强迫自己忘记以前不开心的东西。如在学校里遭到马拉朋友的欺负，种族歧视等等。常觉得那是个很可悲的回忆，可是，渐渐的长大了，才发现原来在你生命中，还有更多你尽全能也想要忘记的东西。而那些你小时想要忘记的，却让长大的你尽努力地把那你当时觉得悲哀的回忆给想起来。回想起以前的回忆，记得一大帮朋友在夜深人静的时候，大家在黑漆漆的房里，围在一块，用雪糕的罐子，把ｍａｇｇｉ　ｍｅｅ全都放在一起，然后大家围在一起，谈天说地，然后一起分享那热热却又温暖的面条时，那种热情与感觉，是一辈子再也找不回来的。大家在一起玩乐，一起为了学业而拚到夜深人静的时候，那种感觉，不是一般在社会的华人能了解的。每天早上被学校里的ｕｓｔａｚ拿着藤鞭把我们给吵醒，在那温暖的背子里爬醒，走出那冷冷的房间，被冷冷的水给冲醒。然后又为自己一天的学业而奋斗时，那种感觉，真的是我这一辈子也不能忘记的。有时还为了缺水的问题，和朋友们在那一望无际的校园里找寻，找寻着那一细细的希望。就像你在自己的人生中努力地找寻自己的目标一样。当看到那微且细细的流水从水候头里流出时，当下的感动和兴奋，真的不是一般人能理解的。而几个光着上半身的我们，就这样在那大大球场旁边，痛快地冲起凉来，也不在介意是否他人会看见我们的丑态。
吃饭时间，对于身为华人的我，刚开始，也是一样对我来说的人生挑战。拿着那蓝色的碟子向囚犯一样的排队走到饭堂的中央领饭后，还得用手指来吃饭。对于我们这样的行为，可能还会被一些华人同胞取笑呢！可是，时间久后，我竟然还能用手来吃那热热的面汤呢！连我自己也意想不到我竟然真的能够做出这样的东西！
每个月回家的时候是最快乐的时候，从学校里搭着那破烂且闷热的巴士到达大山脚ｓｕｍｍｉｔ　ｓｑｕａｒｅ，然后还得搭另一辆巴士到北海，才能搭上那回家的长途巴士。跟着几个一起回家的马来同胞们，大家在巴士里有说有笑的，高谈阔论的，无所不谈。而且每回要抵达终点时，我们总会不约而同地唱起歌来：“ｂａｌｉｋ　ｋａｍｐｕｎｇ．．．ｏｈｈｈ．．．ｂａｌｉｋ　ｋａｍｐｕｎｇ．．＂现在想起，还有一点回味呢！
总感觉要说的故事，真的不能以两页的字语来解说，可是，那种回忆，真的是留在我的脑海里，一备子难忘的。最近尽然在巧合下，让我在面子书上，看到了那班以为这一备子也不会再见到的朋友们。且看到他们快乐的样子，居然让我感触，让我找回了那童年快乐的回忆。

you are my angel .......very nice song

A song that been sent through by someone ......very nice song ...meaning full...relaxing .....wanted to share with others...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_YKSSXYU08

womanizer...

最近常被人家说我是womanizer...我常不明白,为什么我会被冠上这个外号呢?别人觉得我说话太甜了,常会被人家误会.我小时,妈妈常说我的口,甜的像蜜糖一样,连树上的小鸟也可以把它给骗下来.可是我心常在想,我真的是别人所说的womanizer吗?我有这个资格吗?以我的这幅尊容,可以当womanizer吗?难道单身和说话比较好真的会让人觉得我是womanizer吗?我想说的是,不认识我的人可能真的觉得我是那一种人.可是,认识我的人,请你们别认为我也是一样的.因为这样会让我觉得我不是你们的好朋友,因为你们根本不了解你的朋友.我常觉得,如果我真的是womanizer的话,那该多好,至少我不会被人家伤害,被人家玩弄我的感情.而且妹妹也常说:"哥,我希望你真的是个玩家,因为如果你是个玩家的话,那我的烦恼会少一点,至少不会有人每一次失恋时,总在烦着我!"
对,我很烦,可是,我不是玩家,也不是womanizer,我不会去玩弄人家的感情,我承认我说话的态度可能会让人觉得轻浮,不可靠,可是,这就是我.真真的我.所以,请不要误会我,也希望大家会以平常的心态来面对我,不要对我有所防备.因为这样会很伤害我的自尊心.如果我真的是玩家的话,那么我就不会常常在感情上受到不必要的伤害,常对不应该的人付出真感情,然后被人家像傻瓜一样玩弄在鼓里.单身不是罪,我说话的态度也不是罪,所以大家要怎么去看待我这个人,也不是罪.我就是我,你们要怎样去看待,就让你们用你们自己的眼光去看待吧!可是,谢绝那些纯粹想要在我有难时,落井下石的贱人.谢谢!